TALKING

Talking to your ex-partner

There are often very strong feelings around when going through divorce or separation and it can be difficult to express these in a constructive way. 

If there are things that have happened in the past that you find difficult to let go of a vicious cycle of blame, defensiveness and attack can result, with no one winning, and if you have children, they can be caught in the middle of the battle.

What can help:

• Try to stay focussed on the future and on practical matters
• If you feel yourself getting angry or upset, try breathing slowly and deeply or taking a break to calm down
• If you use blaming language a discussion can quickly escalate into an argument, try to use respectful language - even if you don’t feel like it
• Try to wait until the other person has stopped talking before talking yourself
• Try to listen to what the other person has to say
• If you need to express angry feelings about the past, wait and find a friend you can trust or a counsellor
• Try to avoid scoring points; no-one ends up winning
• Find support for unresolved issues left from your couple relationship by seeing a counsellor